So here it is- I am 34 years old, and while it may look like I kinda got things together, in reality, I feel like a bit of a mess in my own life 90% of the time. I wonder if everyone feels this way? I would think most people do from time to time. I don't know what it is, but I have always truly beleived one day I'm going to grow up, it's all going to come together, I will have put my 'big girl panties' on, I I will feel like I am reaching my potential. Meanwhile, "the show must go on," as they say and here I am just coasting through life.
There was a moment about three years ago when I felt like I was on the very edge of growing up, like I was balancing right at the edge. It was like the anticipation when you're going water skiing and you hear the driver put the engine into gear right before he guns it. Your heart races and you think any minute you're going to be walking on water. Well, just like in water skiing even when you think you have it all together sometimes there is one little misstep that sends you back down, barely head above water with a mouth full and water up your nose. That's where I ended up- head barely above water.
It's now been three years. Three years since I was beginning my own budding business that I honestly did not see how it could fail, three years since I was in the best shape of my adult life, three years since I felt like I was making the decisions in my life instead of life making them for me, three years since I felt alive, three years since I really tried to stand up above water. I didn't give up. Sure, I think I let go of the rope for a while Heck I don't think I could even find what boat I should get behind. Since my failed attempt to really get up I have just been treading water, waiting for the moment where I could hear the engine being put into gear again, but it hasn't come.
Oprah says, "There is no luck. It is merely the happening of preparation meeting opportunity."
I'm not sure if that was the exact wording, but the concept is that we are being prepared, often for something we don't even know we are being prepared for, awaiting that moment when the opportunity presents itself that puts us right into the perfect flow of life where we are living our purpose. At that point, it's up to us- Are we prepared when that opportunity comes and, more importantly, do we have the guts or the know how to take it?
Maddy Moon in her blog, maddymoon.com always says, "When you pray move your feet." It is not enough to simply wait for opportunity to come, we have to work for it.
I have had an epiphany, that engine is not going to turn over anytime soon unless I get to making sure I am fully prepared. I do think there are many situations that I was going through that were preparing me unknowingly. That is part of our creators greater plan, Karma, the Universe at hand- we are constantly being prepared, but at some point, you have to grab that rope, pull your ski's up under you and really get prepared. I mean, steady your breathing get that rope just perfect, lean at just the right angle, and then shake your head yes- hit it!
I have now officially grabbed the rope, and I know what boat I'm behind. But I'm currently falling short in a couple areas: True physical and real metal strength. It's not easy putting on those big girl panties- you gotta be tough. As Jen Sincere says in her amazing novel, 'You are a Badass', (which, by the way, I wholeheartedly recommend as one of my absolute favorites) when you decide to change your life the Universe will push back. Crazy things will happen that you will have never thought would. I think it's God's way of testing to see if you are really and truly prepared because making big changes in your life is not for sissies. It's rough!
A really good friend of mine was in a fitness competition the other night. It was a big one, held in Las Vegas with all the lights and a zillion girls competing. It started at around 7pm and went for hours in into the night. They had a live broadcast and while I was under no obligation to watch the whole thing there I was watching away. It brought back some distant memories. Three years ago when I really felt like I was on the brink I was in amazing shape! I actually wanted to do one of those competitions. I felt strong, not just physically, but mentally because I felt like I was using this body I was given to its real potential and that felt amazing! Amazing because when you are in shape and working out you have more energy, you have more focus, endorphins are running through your brain that makes you happy. Nothing else works to do that for you like being physically fit.
Being physically fit equals the ability to be mentally fit.
I don't know where this need for physicality will bring me. I don't know if a competition is really the goal here, but there is no doubt that we must learn from our past. Having a determined workout routine is essential for me being prepared for my next opportunity. And one does not go without the other- a good diet of healthy food is so important too.
So here I am today making an open proclamation that I am officially refusing to tread water anymore. This is the year and here are the goals:
- Get in stellar shape if, for nothing else the mental, energy and happiness side effects
- Get a handle on my schedule and schedule the things that I really feel are worth living for so life quits just warp speed passing me by
- Start a new business I believe in and go for it
Not to be superstitious or anything, but seven's are my lucky number...
2017- Engines are turning, the driver is putting it in gear, and this time I'm ski'n on water!
Actions Speak Louder than words
It makes no difference if you Want to make a change- You have to Act!
What I did today to make a change:
- Went to the gym as soon as I got up! Yay! I admit I didn't really give myself enough time to really get a whole lot done, but some is better than none.
- Packed my lunch and ate good, healthy food! Again, Yay!
- Cooked a good dinner and had no snacks after- this is a big improvement and a habit to really get back into.
- Spoke with my sissy on a mental health level on not letting others styles cramp my own. It's okay to be an individual instead of conforming- sometimes you just need to hear it. Helped ignite my creativity again- double Yay!
Challenge: Identify a time when you really felt above water, or the closest you ever came
What was going on then? Is that a place you would want to be again? Why or Why not? What can you implement in your own life now considering what you learned from that time?